The other day I said I was ready to let go of this life in its current form — I chose the void.
An energy pulled me into the deepest darkness.
I would compare it to a conscious coma.
I heard and perceived everything happening around me, yet it silenced me, sealed my voice, and my muscles gave way. While waves of sobbing overtook me, outward movement became almost nonexistent, but inside, events moved with lightning speed: stories from my own life, the pain of my ancestors, energies from other timelines — and each time, I burned to ashes within them. I disintegrated again and again.
My loved ones sensed that I was in the middle of a spiritual experience. They surrounded me with love. They did not try to pull me out of it; they simply held me. What flowed to me through them carried such overwhelming power — the kind that can build worlds or reduce them to dust. Yet it held me safely, protectively, allowing me to fully live through the self-destruction I witnessed from evening until the next morning. Consciousness was living itself.
It was incredibly intense, yet also beautiful. A profound release. A deep integration of shadow. I am grateful for it.
It is a gift to become the quantum field itself — to cross through millions of lives in the blink of an eye, to witness and feel individual and collective traumas leaving through us, by us, when timelines, dimensions, and spaces merge into one.
And when silence becomes filled with something entirely different, within that pure space the body, soul, and mind become aligned force, source, and support.
There is no longer any escape in me from darkness.
I am that too.
The fire did not only burn me.
It forged me into law.
Visible and whole.
The light as well.
The shadow as well.
One.
And within this clarity, faith, heart, and reason no longer fight each other inside me — they move in the same direction. Into the service of Spirit. Onto the side of life.
This is the treasure of us all: the lightness of flight.
When a person no longer merely wants to survive, but is truly present here. Living and creating the world they have seen within themselves through the joy of everyday existence, remembering — no matter what happens within or around them. Whole again in their being. One with their consciousness. Grounded. Clear. Embodied.
Spirituality is not the illusion, theory, or fashion of the mind — though the mind also tries to make it into one, to preserve the separate self.
Reality, truth, is simpler than we think.
It is within us and before our eyes.
It has always been here.
With rituals or without them, laughing or crying, with God or with faith in yourself…
It does not matter.
Every breath is you.
Watch it. Breathe.
The darkest night of the soul is both dissolution and fulfillment.
With love,
Dajbukát Ildikó
spiritenergy.hu
Photo: Pinterest
